Post by Daishi on Sept 17, 2004 6:36:59 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]I do not mean to rant, I do not mean to rave, I just needed someplace to write this down and with the love I get from the clan I felt this was the best place not to be ridiculed. It has come to my attantion(better late then never) how some of us take life for granted. My self included. Not many of us, I believe, live our lives wondering "When I die, what kind of mark will I have left on the world? Will I have left a mark at all." Up until tonight, I didn't really think about it myself, I was more concerned about keeping myself happy and only myself. I have no real career ambition for the business world but neither am I a slacker at work. I rarely have to call in, i show up on time and I get my job done. Best of all I got my check every week, that(sadly enough) is basically my existence. Long as I can pay my bills and play my games I rarely care about anything else. Granted there have been exceptions(hopefully Ser and others can attest to this) but I do not feel I have left a worthwhile mark. As the Navy commercial goes, "if someone wrote a book about your life, would anybody want to read it?" I have had my adventures with friends, not as many as other people my age, but I like to think what I lack in quanity of friends and adventures, i make up for in quality. Yet I can not shake the feeling of not being a worthwhile person. I have a job, a jeep, share an apartment and own some essentials, and yet there are people 2/3 my age(24) who make 2 or 3 times what I do in a year. they've completed college and are making something of themselves. i don't know, I guess i am rambling or ranting and raving. haven't made up my mind on that part. It wasn't until I logged out tonight went to check up on my friends still in Final Fanasty. I came across a thread on a friends guild site concerning one of their members(and a good friend to them) telling about how the guild leader found out he had been killed by a drunk driver at the end of august. I knew the guy in question, not as well as the others by any means but i did know him. I only met him recently before I left FF temporarly and came back to SWG a couple monthes ago. Yet in the very short time i knew him and got the chance to party with him in game I could not help but remember what a kind, considerate and entirely charasmatic person he was. I never saw him yell or b*tch or in any way act beligerant towards another person. I knew him so little, yet I knew him so much. Thus i could not help but wonder what would be my mark this world. Would people who've only met me a few times think the same things as those who've known me for sometime? I know people love me in life and game, but I can not help but feel as if I've faliled. Failed as a student, as a boyfriend, as a son, a brother and a friend. I know it sounds like I'm whining or looking for sympathy, but believe me when i say that was not my purpose here. As I said, i merely wanted to type out my thoughts as i do not have anyone here right now to talk with. I'll end this now before I ramble too much more, if you have read this and thought it a waste of your time, my apologies. My love and best wishes to you and yours, take care in life. We only get one chance at it.
Sincerely,
Daishi
PS-I do not expect any response to this, I merely wish those of us to think of how we interact with this world. if you wish to make fun of this or me, do so freely, I will hold no ill-will, life is too short for such things.[/glow]
Sincerely,
Daishi
PS-I do not expect any response to this, I merely wish those of us to think of how we interact with this world. if you wish to make fun of this or me, do so freely, I will hold no ill-will, life is too short for such things.[/glow]